Thursday, August 21, 2008

life changes...

Late last night, I arrived at and sound from my travels to New York. I will blog more about that in a few days (after I sift through the hundreds of pictures). Instead, I feel the need to share my heart. Nothing profound, just a bit about the Lord's work in my life as of recent.

This summer is the first where I HAVE NOT worked. A change, indeed! Instead, I have enjoyed traveling with the Weber clan to Eastern Washington, hanging out with the Simmons side of the family over in Crescent Bar (twice), visiting Laura in NY, and training for the upcoming 3-Day. Originally, my plan was to work for a family this summer as their part-time nanny. That fell through (they lived far away and wanted me for way too many hours). At first I was discouraged, but then I came to see it all as a blessing. This change wasn't so bad.

My master's classes are coming to an end (January, hopefully) and Ben is working full time now that school is almost done for him (September). It's strange to have two full-time incomes pouring exciting. Things are just changing. Nothing bad, it's just different and sometimes it takes a while to adjust.

We are also gearing up to welcome new members to our growing family - NO, BEN & I ARE NOT EXPECTING! Instead, Emily and Ryan will welcome the twins (Evelyn and Eleanor - Evie & Ella) sometime between now and the middle of November. The later, the better! We also have another one coming on the Weber side - Bobby and Kelli will welcome their little one on Justin Timberlake's birthday, January 31st. It doesn't get much more exciting than that (the new babies, not necessarily JT's birthday)!

Some of our dearest friends, the Hamlins, are moving to Boise. This is a change I am not as quick to embrace. I realize that they are going to be closer to Dusty's family, and they will finally get to enjoy their home...those are good things. I also know that we will have opportunities to explore Boise and visit the Hamlin fam. That brings some comfort, but it's always difficult to say goodbye to those who matter most in life. I know our friendship will not end, and I pray that the Lord will only strenghten our relationship once these great people move. Change isn't always easy.

Another year of school is quickly approaching and my summer is coming to an end. Yet another sign that change is inevitable. While I was gone in New York, another big event unfolded, indicating that life is full of changes. Our WONDERFUL principal, Patrick, was offered a job at the district level. He's amazing and this is a huge step in the right direction for him. Unfortunately, we're all sad to see him go. He was the one who hired me and he's been such a huge support from day one. My hope is that Jason, our new principal, will be embraced by our staff and open our eyes to revolutionary ideas...things we failed to consider prior to his arrival.

While visiting Laura, I was forced to realize that she doesn't live just a few miles away. This change is something I have been slow to recognize. Instead, I think I had come to believe that since we were only a phone call away, we were still pretty close in distance. The truth is, we're living on opposite coasts. I was glad I had a chance to see her life and meet those who matter most to her while she's away. At the same time, I was sad to think that I'll have to wait until Christmas to see her again. This change is good for her and I continually remind myself of that. In some ways, she is the same Laura that left here in April. In other ways, she has changed and I wasn't there for the transformation. That's hard.

In the car on our way back to Crescent Bar, Ben and I talked about our two years of marriage...since we were traveling over there on our actual anniversary. We expressed what we enjoy about our life together and how we want things to unfold over the next few years. Life has been so much more enjoyable with him at my side. Yet, we both see areas for improvement. It's a change that we both deem as necessary and essential in order for our marriage to honor God and each other.

Change happens and I know that. However, with all of these little changes taking place in my life right now, I feel a sense of anxiety. I know the Lord is in control and there is nothing to dwell on or worry about. He assures me that if I continue to fix my eyes on Him, He will tend to the details. This anxious feeling began the moment we left church one Sunday. Ben and I wanted to sleep in one weekend, so we planned to visit Mars Hill later that afternoon. Mark preached about prayer and spoke specifically about the Lord's prayer. From beginning to end, it was incredible. The piece that sticks with me most is the part of the prayer which states, "Thy will be done." That's not an easy thing to pray. Ultimately, I want His will in my life...He knows my heart and what is best for me and my family.

Perhaps this post will prove to be therapeutic in and of itself. Maybe the Lord simply wanted me to share this fear in order to truly understand it and leave it behind. Recognizing Him as the author of life is what I need to do - daily! My role is to keep focused on Him.

I can't imagine what life would be like without God. Decisions would be more difficult than they already are. There would be an empty, broken feeling residing in my life. I would be filling my time with random things hoping that they would bring me joy and self-worth. I am so thankful for the relationship I have with my Heavenly Father. He has brought me so much clarity, joy, and purpose!


Doreen T. said...

Thank you for sharing your heart. God is so good to give each of us opportunities to trust Him, learning and leaning with each step. The only part I didn't like was the paragraph about the Hamlins' move.... It made me cry like a baby. :(

Christy said...

Wow Anne. Thanks so much for sharing. It is so refreshing to know I am not alone in my quest to know the Lord and accept HIS will for my life, as hard as it is sometimes. I have a hard time with change and also letting go of my control on situations. I was actually just thinking of you today because I thought it would be fun to go shopping or do some other "girly" thing together soon. I think I will end this comment and email you back now. Haha.

kate said...

amen sister!

Friendships are hard to lose, but it's good that you can see the plan in it all. The lord will preserve them and some of my most favorite frienships are at a distance. They are still my accountability and my encouragement and yours will be too.

What a great marriage the Lord has given you. Continue to have those converstions about where you both are at and where you see yourselves going. Those will come in handy when/if kids arrive.

can't wait to see pics

Kara said...

Anne! Why you got to make a sister cry so early in the morning? Change is so tough and I'm experiencing all the same feelings as you at this very moment. I have good news for you, we aren't expecting either but I'll give you a call later about it.

Robica said...

Well now I feel left out! I'll be praying for you Anne during all the changes. I try to tell myself that life would be pretty boring w/o change.

J Yo said...

Oh, Annie Weber. Seriously, I know how you feel. Change is hard, but good. Stay focused on Him (as I know you are) and you'll find comfort and direction. :)

Way to go deep, girl!

sarah said...

We need to have coffee sometime soon! I miss seeing your face!