Tuesday, September 15, 2009

learning, but not quickly...

I am a gift-giver & receiver.  It's my strongest love language.  However, it's not Ben's love language...not at all!  Unfortunately, that hasn't stopped me from using my love language to reach him - or try to reach him.  Let me show you what I mean...
This is what I did before heading off to see my BFF in New York earlier this summer.  Since I was going to be gone, I thought I would leave a little gift for Ben each day.  The first day (Wednesday) he opened a card and there was $10 inside for him to get a sandwich at his favorite lunch spot.  The next day, he had a gift card waiting for him - to use for a breakfast sandwich on his way into work.  For Friday, it was a Starbuck card for a yummy drink and breakfast treat.  On Saturday he was up with his family at Big Lake, so I had to hide the Gushers in his car...the card told him where to look.  I knew he would be coming home to an empty house on Sunday and if there wasn't something frozen, he probably wouldn't eat (he hates to do anything that resembles cooking).  So, I made sure the freezer was stocked with his favorites.  Then it was time for him to head back to work on Monday, so I tied together a few Power Bars - something to help sustain him should he choose to skip meals.  ;)  Tuesday, I left money in the card for a bucket of golf balls down at the driving range.  Then, the last day - the same day I came home - I put a gift card in there for dinner.  The idea being that he would pick me up from the airport and then we would enjoy dinner together while catching up.
Great idea, right?  I thought so.  But that was my mistake.
Selfishly, this is the type of gift I would LOOOOOOOOOOVE to receive.  Naturally, I thought it would be something that Ben would enjoy.  However, I was thinking about myself and not him.  Sure, the gifts were for him and they were symbolic of my love (which sounds strange, but you know what I mean).  But Ben's love languages are words of affirmation, touch and time.  Sure, he's pretty strong in 3 out of 5...unfortunately for me, my gift is not listed there.
I say all of this not to toot my own horn, but instead, to show just how much I'm still learning - after three years of marriage.
The Bible Study I'm current going through has been an eye-opener to say the least!  The Lord is showing me that I am still so selfish - in small and in big ways!  I've also been able to see that often times my selfish side comes out and rears its ugly head when I least expect it to.  It's not like I sit around plotting and planning against my husband.  However, I am also realizing that I don't sit around plotting and planning NOT to be selfish in my marriage...which is what I should be doing!
Thankfully, I'm married to a wonderful man who loves me despite all of my flaws!  And, I can confidantly say that he loves me like that because He is actively pursuing the author of love!  How blessed am I?
Now I just need to be sure I voice these things to my husband so he can enjoy those words of affirmation.  ;)
As for the gifts I left behind for Ben...he forgot to open the first few.  So, when I called to talk to him during the day, he explained that they were at home/forgotten/left behind.  From that point forward, he just decided to open them all at once so that he wouldn't forget.  Bless his little heart!  :)


christy said...

We recently had a similar situation. I was cleaning the house til I was blue in the face, trying to show Chris I loved him... and wanting him to help so I knew he loved me! He was rubbing my back and encouraging me so I would know he loved me. :) Needless to say we both figured out that we weren't speaking the right love languages.

Cute idea though Anne. Love it.

Jenny said...

oh my gosh you are such a great wife!! i love it. i've been wanting to read love languages but never have time to read.